Step outside the drama of role-playing

By holding me in my role, you are holding yourself in yours. You can only witness in me what is also in you. If you think I am mad, there is madness in you too. If you think I am greedy, greediness has you too. But if you are at peace, that is not in your role as part of a drama, you will recognise the peace in me too and the madness and greediness becomes secondary; simply an act we put on. 
In this recognition, you can choose to step out of the drama and relate to the being that is behind the role. That is like two actors meeting for the first time outside their act. 

While most people have become aware of their role-playing in different social contexts, which could be why you’re reading this, we have not yet realised ourselves as part of a bigger drama. It has you simply shift from one role into another, never ceasing to play. Even when you think you do and are being ‘authentic’ you put on some act of who you want to be. It seems as if the only place you can really rest from this is when you’re alone as there’s no one to act for. 

Whilst other problems arise there, it is deeply satisfying to those who do not get their act confirmed by the people around them. Their performance is not recognised as who they want to be so they pull back further and further into their shell. However, for those whose performance is celebrated, an addiction to their role can develop. Many celebrities suffer of this trap of fame.

What is left when you step out of roles completely? Your own being, the one that is aware of both the roles and the drama. In that being-ness we relate not as roles but as one. Not in some Hollywood ‘One Love’ type of way, but as one energy which, if you look at it seriously, is quite obvious. Two adversaries always share a certain energy between them. They might have different perceptions of it, but the energy is there regardless.
What is that energy? And more importantly, who can actually feel it? The adversaries caught up in their story, or their awareness, that is the being behind their role? If you are in an argument, you cannot feel energy as you are busy fighting, but your awareness can. When you become aware of that awareness, you pull this energy into the light of your attention. 

The moment you become aware of the energy in the field without judgement, you step out of the drama. In a heated argument, you can begin to laugh (or cry) about it, as all beings are at peace and it is only in our roles that we fight.
It is like the director scream “CUT!” and the fighting is over as you return to peace. You can still have the debate if necessary, but the heat dissipates instantaneously. This sometimes happens when the energy becomes so strong that it overtakes the actual content of your argument. A brilliant example for this is this short scene in the film ‘Marriage story’. 

However, we can come back to peace without the energy having to escalate like it does in the scene. Practice this with your partner, a good friend or even a family member.
When you find yourself in some intense situation, like an argument, one of you must pause to ask “Can you feel the energy between us now? How does it feel for you?” I suggest you speak very illustrative in response to the question, to make the energy somewhat ‘visible’. The energy is likely to transform completely. 

Be careful not to fall into another role thereafter. Many couples go directly into a ‘lover drama’ from an argument. There is nothing wrong with that essentially but you want to be aware that you are playing in a drama. Because if you are not, any role that you take on, even as a lover or friend, will create all kinds of other problems. 

Roles always look for drama – it is how they survive.